History

There are things that have happened that they don’t teach you about in school— intriguing, wondrous things that happened long ago.

This is something that happened.

Once, all creatures lived beneath the sea. At the top of the food chain were the lobsters. Lobsters were highly intelligent, socially and technologically advanced creatures. Eventually, like most species at the top of the food chain, they realized that life would be simpler if they possessed slaves to labor for them. Humans (at this time no smarter than seaweed) were terrible swimmers with strong upper bodies—this made them excellent slaves.

The lobster’s reign over the seven seas was not uncontested. Shrimp, while physically inferior, possessed a legendary tenacity and were widely revered military strategists.

No one remembers for certain what started the war.

It will never be known whether it was the shrimp’s annoying tendency to hold weeklong parades during minor holidays, or if it was the lobster’s proclivity to eat shrimp larvae.

What is known is this: these two mighty races had fought to a near stalemate when the brilliant shrimp general devised a risky plan.

The shrimp armies freed the humans from their pens, and trained them to eat their crustaceous captors. The humans consumed the lobsters at an alarming rate, until finally, on the verge of extinction, the lobsters swallowed their hubris and went to their former enemies to beg for assistance.

The shifty shrimp, who loved a battle even more than a parade, readily agreed.

The humans stood no chance in the sea against the combined might of these two powerful shellfish. They were forced from the oceans in a matter of weeks, where they were required to evolve in order to survive on land.

There are things that have happened that they don’t teach you about in school.

But they should.